I don't deserve to feel as good as I do. I should be very drunk and hung over lol. Dougable is probably paying for it worse than me lol. I feel great actualy, quite awake and hyper and annoying. Dude wants to murder me lol. Many good reasons for that on any given day, let alone today. Ok must go.
Melissa
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
You remind me of someone...
Holy crap! You'll remember my speaking of Doug in the last post? I love Doug lol. Well over recent weeks I have met his grandmother. She instantly reminded me of my mother's dear friend Corraine Fernando. I thought I had mentioned this to Doug, but no. Today at lunch I mentioned it to him. Gail was also there. I thought he would have a heart attack! He grabbed onto my arm kinda tight and his eyes got real big. "Say that name again?!?" I thought he misheard me so I repeated 'Corraine Fernando'. IT TURNS OUT THAT IS DOUG'S AUNT!!! She's been dead for a few years, but her sister Kathleen turns out to be Doug's grandmother! AAAAHHHHH :) How kewl is that??? All my life when Corraine would visit I would hear about this Douglas kid and how great he is and how I really need to meet him one day. Well, I guess Corraine is having a blast orchestrating this one :) Thank you Corraine!!
Melissa
Melissa
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Being present and greatful
...is hard work.
It's taken a while to figure out what the hell it means. Last night I finally had a break through, by way of a breakdown. I've been so damn hard on myself and so rude to everyone else. I was drowning. Last night I almost got on here and wrote terrible things like "i feel useless, i want to disappear or die or something". That was literally my plan. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, Primerica pre-empted me. I went to class a complete disaster, I forgot my script, I neglected the person that begged me to call them. My upline looked at me and could tell I was upset. Dave mocked my body language lol. I was frowning, my chin was down, arms crossed. He imitated me. By the damn time I got done with class my tears were close to coming out. I went into the bathroom and just took as many deep breaths as I could because I was goign to lock myself in there and cry my brains out. Then I realized that was bad because eventually I would have to come out and the world would know I was crying lol. So I just left and called Laura with my name a day and went to do literboxes. I got through one and just started with the tears. I was going around the room and just cried and cried and coudln't breathe. My face was so red. I thought I would pass out lol. When I got over it, I finished cleaning and took it out to the curb for garbage collection.
That was the moment when I had my moment of being present and greatful. The weather was nice. The sky was kinda clear. I was just on empty and totally focused on now, that tomorrow, not earlier in the day or yesterday. NOthing mattered except being outside. It was wonderful. I actually started my gratitude journal last night. I also began reading The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self Confidence. Happy Melissa.
Today work Jewel 2-6 and then I intend to go to bffs hosue. We'll see what family intends.
Melissa
It's taken a while to figure out what the hell it means. Last night I finally had a break through, by way of a breakdown. I've been so damn hard on myself and so rude to everyone else. I was drowning. Last night I almost got on here and wrote terrible things like "i feel useless, i want to disappear or die or something". That was literally my plan. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, Primerica pre-empted me. I went to class a complete disaster, I forgot my script, I neglected the person that begged me to call them. My upline looked at me and could tell I was upset. Dave mocked my body language lol. I was frowning, my chin was down, arms crossed. He imitated me. By the damn time I got done with class my tears were close to coming out. I went into the bathroom and just took as many deep breaths as I could because I was goign to lock myself in there and cry my brains out. Then I realized that was bad because eventually I would have to come out and the world would know I was crying lol. So I just left and called Laura with my name a day and went to do literboxes. I got through one and just started with the tears. I was going around the room and just cried and cried and coudln't breathe. My face was so red. I thought I would pass out lol. When I got over it, I finished cleaning and took it out to the curb for garbage collection.
That was the moment when I had my moment of being present and greatful. The weather was nice. The sky was kinda clear. I was just on empty and totally focused on now, that tomorrow, not earlier in the day or yesterday. NOthing mattered except being outside. It was wonderful. I actually started my gratitude journal last night. I also began reading The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self Confidence. Happy Melissa.
Today work Jewel 2-6 and then I intend to go to bffs hosue. We'll see what family intends.
Melissa
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Wild On : Primerica
Hey
The past 2 to 3 days have been phenominal. Tuesday I helped Elaine move. Met her dad - interesting time. Ran errands. Had class in the evening. Afterwards we ended up at Langel's - Doug, Elaine, Gail, and Brenda. Lots of liquor lol. We laughed. Doug danced with me. After we left at closing Doug and I had a big conversation and it was all good. However, it stressed me out. Doug had been a little upset and I couldn't help him. That upset me all night I never slept.
Wednesday was a different day and a different Doug :) I worked 2-6 and made plans to hang with Mike who I hadn't seen in quite a while and saw at Langels the previous night. We saw The Departed. Too much graphic blood and MFer name calling and other words. Good acting and hansome leading men though. At any rate, Doug and I spoke after and Mike and I joined Gail and Doug for a meal. Things were slightly complicated but it's all good. Doug and I hung out after that and it was giong to be 1 in the morning. We just drove all over. I met his parents, which is complicated but I appreciated that I was let into his life in that way. *hug for doug* We talked about many things and then I was not really paying much attention to where we were driving, but suddenly we are going for Sibley Ave/Blvd whatever and I'm like "are we going to chicago?" Doug's like "yeah I sorta have a plan" :) It was a marvelous time. We both can't wait for Christmas lol. We stopped at a fountain and got out of the car only to discover it was freezing, and ,duh, WINDY! We watched the water for a minute then walked a block over and looked at a glass building with a white statue/monument thing. It was really nice. Waaay too windy and cold, but nice. We drove home and chatted and I almost fell asleep :) Doug kept lookin at me to see if I was awake, so cute. I was warm and happy and wrapped up in his coat so naturally I was comfy and sleepy. I made it home and life is good. I love you Doug :)
Melissa
The past 2 to 3 days have been phenominal. Tuesday I helped Elaine move. Met her dad - interesting time. Ran errands. Had class in the evening. Afterwards we ended up at Langel's - Doug, Elaine, Gail, and Brenda. Lots of liquor lol. We laughed. Doug danced with me. After we left at closing Doug and I had a big conversation and it was all good. However, it stressed me out. Doug had been a little upset and I couldn't help him. That upset me all night I never slept.
Wednesday was a different day and a different Doug :) I worked 2-6 and made plans to hang with Mike who I hadn't seen in quite a while and saw at Langels the previous night. We saw The Departed. Too much graphic blood and MFer name calling and other words. Good acting and hansome leading men though. At any rate, Doug and I spoke after and Mike and I joined Gail and Doug for a meal. Things were slightly complicated but it's all good. Doug and I hung out after that and it was giong to be 1 in the morning. We just drove all over. I met his parents, which is complicated but I appreciated that I was let into his life in that way. *hug for doug* We talked about many things and then I was not really paying much attention to where we were driving, but suddenly we are going for Sibley Ave/Blvd whatever and I'm like "are we going to chicago?" Doug's like "yeah I sorta have a plan" :) It was a marvelous time. We both can't wait for Christmas lol. We stopped at a fountain and got out of the car only to discover it was freezing, and ,duh, WINDY! We watched the water for a minute then walked a block over and looked at a glass building with a white statue/monument thing. It was really nice. Waaay too windy and cold, but nice. We drove home and chatted and I almost fell asleep :) Doug kept lookin at me to see if I was awake, so cute. I was warm and happy and wrapped up in his coat so naturally I was comfy and sleepy. I made it home and life is good. I love you Doug :)
Melissa
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
"Rush, Rush"
So I got my first speeding ticket last night. I was flying to go meet with friends after our meeting Tuesday night and there were like 40 different things going on at once and everyone had a time frame and I'm without my cell. They were going to meet at Langel's Pizza and I was super late cuz I stopped at home first. I flew past a cop 51 in a 35 past a school at night lol. Not funny, I know :D I look behind my car when I made my turn and there was a cop flashing his lights at me and he's on my butt, so I quickly pull over and slow down and he's slowing down behind me and it's like 'crap!' I had my license and no registration. I tore apart the damn glove box to the best of my ability. Anyway I am not going to tell my family. I think I will just pay it. Almost $200!!!!! Fucking hell!!!
Melissafient
Melissafient
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