Hectic pondering

hey
the past few days have been busy. i don't remember the last time i blogged. it was saturday night/sunday morning. well sunday i spent with my kinda boyfriend, benjamin ketelaar, who, in thye future, may be known as benjamin crazyfox. we saw a movie at keresotes. after 6 months this is the first going out to see a movie. kinda nice. monday tuesday stuff happened don't remember, did a little working at the j.o.b. it was ok.
today is now thursday but i'm writing as wed cuz i haven't been to bed yet. i'm sitting here crying cuz bff told me her dog jack is dying of cancer...rather, living with cancer. i'm making decisions about my future. i'm very pissed at the moment because purdue calumet here in hammond has a radio degree. i'm considering doing something in communications/broadcasting/public relations. just something i always have kicked around since i like being the one to do the closing announcements at jewel. always been told i should be on the radio.
I don't know, I'm just up and upset and pondering and thinking that in 4 years my life could be so different but at the same time it could be the same. what am i talking about? i don't know. what if in 4 years mom , dad, nana, uncle bob, and everyone would would be there are gone? i'll finally have made a decision to do something, complete it and nobody will be there to witness history. does that mean that any of it matters? hell i have wasted a lot of opportunities and i'm so upset with myself right now. does that mean i'm going to change.... i would say the forecast is partly sunny with a breeze of change coming...