peaceful...

So last night I had my own personally defined mental breakdown. I cried all night long, screamed and yelled at everyone, hated the world, cried myself to sleep, and prayed to God. I talked to him and I told him that I really couldn't take it anymore and need a break. I know we are only given what He thinks we can handle, but jeez! Why did he have to invent my family???? I told Him that He either needed to take my family or make sure that I didn't wake up in the morning. Apparently, He didn't like either of those ideas. Kinda scary cuz I bet just to be cruel, he'd take Dude away frist. I would definately have to die. I also suggested that if none of that would be possible, could he send me someone to love me. Nobody loves me. I wanna be loved. All I do is fight with people, send me someone to love me. I need a boyfriend. At the end of the day I just want to crash into the arms of someone a lot stronger than me and be held and comforted and loved. I hope that happens.
Anyway this morning I woke up with a big sense of peace. Now if I could run and hide and avoid people all day I would be able to keep this peace. However, I have to go home now and mom has already lined up 50 things we have to do. I feel the stress and the disaster taking over....
It's all killing me slowly....
Melissa